Faith
by Vaughn's Jenn
Summary: response to Queenie's Challenge SV ::A Jennfic::


umm... i haven't reread it yet but i just finished writing it and i kinda hate it... i'll probably reread after this but... yech~  
  
**Faith**  
  
"No." She shakes her head, disagreeing, seeing the logic and understanding it but denying it all the same.   
  
"I can't. I can't do it."  
  
Hands tenderly envelop her own, a kiss lightly lands on her forehead. "Why not?"  
  
_Because I don't want to **be **Cassandra Bennington._  
  
"Because… I've lied to so many people… you know I have. I've lied to _everyone _about _everything_… and the only two people that I have been completely honest to are me and you. This is what my life has become."  
  
She sighs, knowing that this is the only way, knowing already that there is no other choice. "I… I just don't want to lie to myself. About myself. That's one of the only stable things in my life. Who I am. And I don't want to give it up."  
  
"Oh, Syd." A breath.   
  
"You're not lying to yourself. Nothing is going to change except for the letters and syllables of your name... _nothing _is different except for the color of your eyes. This is just like a mission… only it's for life.  
  
"_Please _believe me when I say that these things aren't important... please believe me when I say you're not losing yourself."  
  
He sees the doubt in her eyes, brushes away the lock of hair from them. Cups her face in his hands. "And you're not losing me."  
  
She hugs him furiously, already feeling the slight bulge between them which is alive though still invisible. "How can you give up who you are?"  
  
He smiles, showing her that he's ready to do this to himself, ready to uproot his life to be with her. "For you."  
  
Fear flashes in her eyes. "Even if I'm not Sydney Bristow anymore?"  
  
He wipes away a tear that falls from the corner of her eye. "Hate to sound like I'm ripping off Shakespeare… but Sydney Bristow is just a name. What is Sydney Bristow? You are. So what if you're Cassandra Bennigton too?"  
  
Sydney grips his hand hard. "Who are you going to be?"  
  
"For you, I'll be anything. For the government, I'll be Mark... Bennington."  
  
A little smile escapes her. Tears brimming in her eyes. "They'll let you do that? They'll let us stay together despite the risks… despite the fact that we'll be so much more visible as two than as one?"  
  
He leans his forehead against hers. "I'll make them let us. And so will your father."  
  
"Dad?"  
  
He nods. "And th-"  
  
There's a knock on the door.  
  
"Are you guys ready?"  
  
Vaughn glances into her eyes, looking for confirmation, for affirmation. Waiting for the ambivalence to disappear from her eyes. She smiles at him… she looks like Cassandra Bennigton. Takes his hand. And a breath.  
  
He opens the door.  
  
"Listen you guys… I know that this is supposed to be all professional… but I'm going to miss you." Eric Weiss stands there, uncomfortable, hands in pockets, unsure of what to say, how to act.   
  
"And you're going to feed Donavan."  
  
He cracks a grin. "Yeah, I'll feed Donavan his cans and half cans."   
  
Sobering, he throws his arms around Michael. "See ya, Mike."   
  
Separating and turning, he gives Sydney a hug. "And you too… you always did give sugar like no one else, Syd."  
  
She smiles.   
  
"So."  
  
"So..."  
  
_uncomfortable_  
  
"The plane's waiting."  
  
They nod, not moving, not knowing for sure how to respond. "Okay."  
  
"You know… just because you guys have completely different identities and are going to be living God-and-Jack-Bristow-knows-where, doesn't mean you guys get to lose contact with me… let me know how you're doing once in awhile okay?"  
  
_leaving is so hard  
i hate this moment  
this moment in time where  
people are watching you leave  
so that you can have a better life  
leaving them behind_  
  
She nods.   
  
He squeezes her hand tighter.   
  
"Because if you don't… I'll get you. And you're pretty dog too."  
  
They share a semi-uncomfortable laugh.   
  
A couple moments pass. They want to leave, they want to stay, they want to be anywhere but this scene, this phase, this portion of time full on confusion and misdirection, this spot where the hurt gaze of a friend is reigning down on them, the area where nothing makes sense.  
  
This spot right here.  
  
"You… you should go."  
  
"I'll see you, man."  
  
  
Pause.  
  
  
"No you won't."  
  
  
Pause.  
  
  
"I might."  
  
  
Pause.  
  
  
"Okay."  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
They walk hand-in-hand towards the plane waiting.   
  
A new destination.  
  
A new life.  
  
Filled with new people.  
  
Without a return ticket.  
  
She closes her eyes, unable to do anything else. "Do you think we're going to be all right?"  
  
He smiles, attempting to lighten the mood. "Syd, that's like asking if the sun will shine tomorrow."  
  
"Will it?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"And you're going to be here… with me… all the way?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
The grip on her heart has lessened somewhat. "How are you so sure?"  
  
They step up the stairs leading to the plane one by one. She sits on the seat, he sits next to her, facing her, loving her. "See Syd… what I don't understand is how you _can't _see it. It's what you've always wanted in a way. Truth, life, love, freedom… all handed to you on a platter with just a splash of mystery thrown in. We might have different names, different addresses, new friends… but you're still you and I'm still me.   
  
"And we're together in this.  
  
"That's all that counts, isn't it?"  
  
  
She nods, seeing all the people she's leaving behind flashing before her eyes… seeing first memories of laughter and smiling, then images of the hurt and betrayal that has come or is coming or will come. But he's there. And that makes it infinitely better.  
  
"We're together in this," she repeats.  
  
He smiles at her, bends, kisses her stomach. "We're _all_ together in this."  
  
"We're going to make it."  
  
She sounds like herself again, stronger, more sure… vibrant.  
  
"You see? What it all comes down to is faith."


End file.
